Still Their Mama - Day 5

Still Their Mama - I Didn’t Know How To Stay

Still Their Mama - Day 5

I Didn’t Know How To Stay

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

— Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

There are things I wish I could explain to the world…

but especially to the ones I love most.

Like why I stopped showing up.

Why I got quiet.

Why I didn’t call.

Why I disappeared when I should’ve stayed.

But here’s the truth:

I didn’t leave because I stopped loving you.

I left because I didn’t know how to survive while staying.

There are goodbyes no one ever sees…

Not the kind where you pack a bag and slam the door,

but the kind where your heart folds in on itself

and the ache becomes too big for words.

I stayed as long as I could.

Longer than anyone knew.

I swallowed hurt after hurt, hoping love could cover it all;

but there’s a point where hope starts to suffocate

and presence becomes self-betrayal.

And so, I left.

Maybe not physically. Maybe just emotionally.

But I broke inside, in a way that made staying feel like dying.

And still…

Not a day goes by where I don’t look for you in everything.

Not a night passes where I don’t pray your name into heaven.

Not a single breath escapes without a whisper:

“God, please cover what I couldn’t fix.”

I didn’t know how to stay.

But I never stopped loving.

And somehow, even in the wreckage…

I’m still your mama. And God never stopped seeing me.

Prayer:

God, help me hold space for the parts of me that had to let go in order to survive. Rewrite the story I’ve told myself about that season; not with shame, but with mercy. Remind me that You stayed even when I couldn’t.

Amen.

You are still their mama, and God is still holding both of you.

Carry this truth with you today:

Love endures, God protects, and restoration is never beyond His reach.